Desperatiivista ajatusten juoksentelua

Tiedän, että blogi on ollut kauan hiljaa, niin olen ollut itsekin. Tiedätkö kun hukkuu arkeen ja suorittamiseen ja menee tietyllä tavalla lukkoon? Nyt on käynyt niin. Reissun päällä ollessani olen aina pitänyt fyysistä matkapäiväkirjaa, mutta jostakin syystä minkäänlaista vastaavaa en ole edes aloittanut tämän Käpylässä asutun tiiman aikana. Muistan joskus kelailleeni ihmisten kanssa samalla vähän naureskellen, kuinka ihmiset suunnittelevat lomansa paljon tarkemmin, kuin jokapäiväisen elämänsä ja huomaan nyt astuneeni samaan monttuun; neljänkymmenenkolmen päivän kuluttua starttaava loma kuumaan Kuubaan on ajatuksen tasolla huomattavasti selkeämpi kela, kuin oma elämä noin niinkuin yleisellä tasolla.
Blogitekstien luonnoksista löytyi tälläinen raakile, jonka olen kirjoittanut kolme kuukautta sitten, se jäi silloin vähän kesken, eikä itse dilemmaan ole varsinaista ratkaisua löytynyt vieläkään, mutta pitemmittä puheitta, olkaa hyvät.

"Dear reader, i'm glad i caught your attention.

Before i get started i'd like to apologise for the very much possible grammar mistakes, as english is not my first language, despite all of them i hope i can make my point clear.

To start of with, i need to tell you few facts; first of all i travel a lot, it is a fact that has been a very defining part of the whole Me ever since i first left home and felt all the excitement of being somewhere completely different and somewhat someone all new. I could have created a whole new me everywhere i went, but gladly chose not to, otherwise things could be even more complicated within my own head than what they seem to be right this moment. I have always had my own path, i never bought the whole 9 to 5 concept and i most certainly never wanted a red house and a reasonably priced family wagon – in fact i'd probably pass away for the boredom of staring at a computer screen for 40 or so hours a week, not that it would not suit a lot of other people.

Now that we got that covered i'd like to tell you a little bit about my life at hand.

As of today i have been in Finland for exactly 3 months and that is the time it took me to realise what i am dealing with. My life looks quite great on the outside, i am doing a job i love with a promise of a career in a field that is most likely the thing that i was made to do. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me to bits, great friends without whom my life would be full of emptiness and i live in the best part in one of the most liveable cities in the whole world. Oh yeah and my family also rocks. Pretty good, eh? I also get a lot of fresh air by riding my bike every day, so got that part covered as well. I am a happy person in general, everyone from my friends to customers at work are aware of that.

With all this why have i found myself crying in the shower surprisingly often? That is the exact thing i realized today when a dear friend of mine from across the world asked me how things are back home. It took me six hours to reply as i didn't want to lie nor do the whole bullshit ”yeah i'm good, how are you?”.

I can't really come to terms with this realization, since it took me so long to figure out and it is something i have talked about in the past with fellow travellers. Post travel depression. Laugh all you want, but it is a thing, thou shall google if not convinced otherwise.

I am finally in the place where by the rules of babylon one should be at this age and i can't help but panicking. You know the tiger in the cage metaphor? Needless to point out the accuracy of the phrase at this stage."

Wanted.